Can I really believe that He knows what is best?

Proverbs 21:1

The king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes.

During my days as a pilot in the Marine Corps I learned a valuable lesson about trusting God even when it felt like I could not. My supervisor insisted I go on a 2-week training mission that would require me to be two hours from home (by helicopter) during the exact time when our first child was due to be born. I prayed and prayed that he would change his mind. I thought I had all the reasons to be granted an exemption but he was unbending. In the military, you have no choice but to obey orders. Have you ever felt pinned up against a wall like that?

During that entire two weeks I was without any connection to home, in a bivouac tent camp in the desert, and no way to call my wife or check in on her (this was in the dark ages before cell phones). Was this a want? A need? Surely, I thought, God wanted me to be home with my wife for such an enormous event. I knew I had to trust the Lord but its hard to overcome the power of your emotions. What did that look like? For me that meant a continuous attitude of prayer where I would call out to Him and ask Him to intervene. I had to focus on my job so it meant letting go of things I could not control. It also meant dealing with my negative feelings toward my superior officer who seemed cavalier about the situation. I had to believe that it was the Lord who determined this in spite of my boss.

I also had to reassure my wife, Holly, that the Lord would do as He promised and take care of her. After two agonizing weeks that were busy with one flying mission after another, I returned home and our baby boy was born... two weeks late. I was able to be there and see him arrive into this world. God did answer my prayers and fulfill my desires, but not in the way I expected. Why would the Lord not change the heart of this figure of authority above me and put me through such a stressful time? Why did I doubt that the Lord would work it all out? Does He engineer such actions to test our faith? Yes, but this verse also reminds me that people who do not even acknowledge or profess to revere God cannot make decisions that will affect my life outside of the Lord's ultimate supervision. He controls them in the same way He directs the channels of water on a mountain slope. I have to put my trust, not in men, but in the God who decides the results of all. He is not insensitive to my needs or my desires, but He is working to build my faith and do what is good for me.