The Power of Listening

James 1:19

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…

The top hostage negotiator in the FBI now teaches people in business how to relate to their counterparts when trying to strike a deal. He instructs his students that if you assume you know what others think or what they want, you are making a big mistake. When people are in a time of stressful conflict, they want to talk to someone and reveal what's on their mind, but there is nothing that makes them more frustrated than someone who isn't listening. So this negotiation instructor teaches his students "tactical empathy", or paying attention to another person by listening to figure out their "why" and asking good questions that will help you understand their world. Empathy does not mean you agree with them, but instead it means you are seeking to understand their perspective through meaningful inquiries into their heart. Are you facing relationships where you can't get someone to listen to you, or you can't get them to change their behavior? The Bible gave us the solution here long before the FBI figured out how to deal with troubled villains. You must be a good listener. But that ability does not come naturally. We all tend to listen while thinking about what we are going to say next, rather than close our mouths so that we can open our ears and our hearts. You have to work at becoming a better listener in every conversation you have. Decide now that in every opportunity where you relate to others you will work on following what the Bible says here, to listen so you can learn what drives their decisions, what motivates their actions especially when you want to earn the opportunity to speak into their lives. You and I are called to love others, even those with wrong motives or intentions. Is this easy? No, the last part of the verse requires that we also patiently show self control over our powerful and destructive anger. This is an area we must surrender to the Lord. Slow to anger means we listen first, try to understand, and then speak with a calm, confident spirit that communicates love first rather than a determination to make the other person submit to our ideas. Why should you do things God's way? Because influence comes from fellowship. We want those we love to open up and trust us to understand them. This is how we gain a platform for influence, to be used by God in their life. Read this verse again before you head out the door today and ask God to make listening a real strength of your character.